post mortem

I wanted to play the piano, but I forgot to practice. I wanted to write books, but I couldn't stop reading other people's. I wanted to live life, but I couldn't stay awake long enough to make much headway. I wanted to listen, but I was unwilling to stop defending myself. I wanted to speak, but was afraid I might say something stupid. I wanted to sleep, but was afraid I might have that dream again. I wanted to give up, but was afraid I might regret it. I wanted to be still, but couldn't stop making waves. I wanted to be left alone, but was afraid they might take me up on it. I wanted to spill the beans, but was afraid there might be nothing else to eat. I wanted to be happy, but thought it might be better to be right.
It wasn't.